Failure?

This is my second attempt to write today. So, I can think I failed at my first attempt, or I can think it was just the wrong time to try.

Today has been a bad day. I stuffed up in my job today. The consequences for me weren't too bad, but I made my colleague's day pretty rotten. I feel awful about it. The last thing I want to do is make someone's life harder, but sometimes it happens that way.

In some ways, I feel like I failed. Failed myself, failed my colleague and failed my team. I don't think it is really as bad as it sounds. What I mean is that the damage can be repaired relatively easily, and has been. But it did mean that my colleague had to work her butt off over the last 24 hours to sort out the mess.

I failed because I didn't follow the plan that I was supposed to be following, even though that plan was in my colleague's head and not on paper. And I am inexperienced in my current position at work (although I feel much more experienced now!).

What is important for me, however, is the knowledge that just because I stuffed up at work doesn't mean I am a failure. A few years ago, something like this would have triggered negative thoughts about myself for days. I would have felt as though I could never get anything right, that everything I touched I ruined. 

Now I know better. It is not the things I do that make me significant. It is who I am. 
It is not what others expect me to be that makes me significant. It is who I am.
It is not about my abilities, my looks, my intelligence, or any of those things. It is who I am.
It is not about my family, or my place in my family. It is who I am.


So, just because I make a mistake that impacts on someone else, it doesn't mean I am a failure. I made a mistake, an error of judgement, that's all. And instead of beating myself up about it, I am going to use it  to learn. 


Today, I have learnt about process and planning at work. I have learnt a better way to get a job done, and I have learnt about 'cleaning up' to limit the damage done. 


I am not a failure. I am a success. We all walk away from the mistake with our heads held high, our egos intact and a job well done, albeit ahead of our original deadline by about 2 months. And I learnt about working with others and achieving what we set out to achieve, no matter what.


So, today had the potential to screw with my mind and throw me back towards the 'dark days'. If that had happened, my day would have been a failure. But it didn't. And I didn't fail. I have succeeded in not failing, and I am at peace.


Sleep well,


Grace alone

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